555 Vol. 2:

This Head, These Limbs

(excerpts)

OH, NO, IT’S DEAD AGAIN.

          “Shit shit shit.”

          A soft, persistent knock on the door reverberated throughout the room. “God? Are you okay?”

          A sweat bead trailed down God’s brow as he picked himself off the floor.

          “Goooood? You in there, buddy?... Everyone’s dead again.”

          God sighed. “Yeah… I’m here. Be right out.”

          He noted: Move the Apocalypse button. Again.

THE FISH WHO WALKED UPRIGHT

 

          “HERR DERR, LOOKER AT ME, I’M EVAN. DERR I’MA WALKIN’ UPRIGHT. HERR DERR.”

          The surrounding fish laughed.

          “Cut it out, guys!” Evan cried. “I’m still learning to swim!”

          “SURVIVAL IS THU ABILITY TA ADAPT, YA GOLDFISH!”

          Evan covered his eyes and wept. “I’m a trout.”

          “YA GUN BE DINNER IF YA DON’T FIX YA WAYS!”

A LUMP IN TIME

          “And if you look out the right of the ship you’ll see the Cretaceous period, when dinosaurs had the most diversity. Further ahead you’ll see Archimedes executing the first theoretical calculation using Pi.” The ship jumped, wobbled, and came to a halt. “I’m sorry for

the inconvenience, we’ve hit something. We’ll be back up shortly.”

SWEET CAROLINE

          I knew she was dead but there she stood. Every night.

          I used to scream, now I’m only annoyed.  “How long will this go on?” I asked. She never spoke, just watched me from the end of the bed.

          I killed her to make her go away, but now I see her more than ever.

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